Sunday, December 04, 2005
shait, another weekend just breezed by so fast, well at least it brings me closer to Singapore and to the base closure.. no more flying in 2 more weeks, and back to Singapore in 3 weeks, haven book out since a mth ago i tink, cos of the viet getting hanged in sg, then due to increased risk, we didnt book out, and will not be for another 2 weeks.. so.. i guess no more booking out until i get back to sg, well no time to buy stuff for the guys back home.. muahaha.. but its getting seriously boring in base, motivation comes and goes, i've still got a few hours left, gotta study quite alot later, if i can motivate myself.. haha, tml i'm planned for a flight and a simulator, then after that on tuesday will be 2 flights.. one of which would be my 1st solo flight.. really excited about flying solo.. yet the preparation for the flights and simulator before my solo is kinda disheartening, the studying i do doesnt seem to slack off a bit.. its just gets busier and busier.. well 2 more weeks.. i dunno if i'll be able to keep my sanity after its all done.. after my 1st solo there's still a gd 1 and a half week before base closure.. and i think i can still fly alot.. but i'm already very tired over all this, i cant see myself studying so much for the flights ahead.. haha
yesterday passed real fast, slpt at 3am on friday night, woke up at 9 and went to my instructor's place for some chit chat, his house looks so nice, haha, wonder if i'll ever get to live in a place like that, i know its kind of impossible in sg, no matter how much i earn, i dont see myself affording a house of my own, unless i strike lottery or what.. haha, life doesnt look too good in the near future.. a job with gd prospect perhaps, but there's still so much work to be done, a small step at a time, will just take me forever to get where i wanna be. having dreams is wonderful, at night my mind can just wander off for hours thinking about how great my life can be, and how far i would have to go for it. my dreams seem so distant right now.
today was fun, woke up at 1, had a quick bite and went on to gaming, realised how much interest i've lost in playing, i used to be so crazy bout DotA and other games, yet 4 months here, and i've already begun to lose my passion for gaming, as well as some of my skills. it still brings back memories of how i was crazy about gaming just now, but i guess as we grow older, priorities change.. i'd still love to be able to just game all day.. but with flights tomorrow and things to prepare, it just stops me from playing so much. i do miss times when i was more carefree. actually, i miss it so much.. well we aint gonna be forever young, i just have to grow up soon, if not i'd never be survive in this kind of environment
its been a good 9 months since i was attached, single life being all the wildness and fun and carefreeness was definitely enjoyable, yet at certain nights it just leaves me wondering if it could be more, more than just myself dancing the night away alone, more than just me and my friends savouring a late night supper, more than just me and my computer every night when i get back (yes it does get boring, even for me), more than just dreaming about finding the right girl, more than just me with my problems and no one to share, more than my life being just about me. theres so many reasons i can give about remaining single, yet so many more that i can give about being together with someone i can share my heart with, someone to live my life with, someone to experience joy with, someone who will be a witness of my existence in this world, someone to justify my living.
does that someone exist? or is she just a figment of my imagination
i believe these 9 months have given me ample time to think things through, what have caused us to fall apart, why i dont believe in reunions (and still dont), what i've done wrong in my life, how much more can i grow, how much more i have in my life to give. i guess i can finally say now that i'm truly over you, how i'm able to pick myself up again and maybe, just maybe, believe in love again, yet will love believe in me now? there's so many things i've done wrong in my past relationship, so many things i'm sorry about, and yes i'm deeply sorry for what i've done to your life. i dont believe its easy finding someone who i'll share my life with, and i'm not expecting much to happen for the next yr, or maybe even longer, and i'll just have my hope to depend on, hope that i will be able to make someone happy, hope that i'll be able to find this someone after all, i'm not gonna place a specific period of time on this, for now i'll just be dancing alone.
Youth Group - Forever Young
Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men
Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the madmen
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young
It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever
So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
