hmm feeling quite sian now.. bored at home wif nothing to do.. gotta study up on hydraulics system which i dun understand a fuck about.. notes aint helping either.. 4 pgs of brief information tats totally useless.. gonna go haf my dinner soon.. tinkin bout my future.. seriously bored to death and feeling damn lonely.. cos if i pass then i'll b lyk going to university after all my frens haf gone in.. i'll haf tis generation gap wif the other pple.. i'll noe no one.. n i'll b going to uni wif the sec sch gals now? holy shit.. sometimes i just tink i'll fail when i get somewhere near my ORD date.. so i can go uni wif my pals.. haha, yeah a bit naive.. but wth, a career is just a career to me.. sure more money, more security, blah blah blah.. but less time to hang out wif frens, more stress, more shit to do, i'll just b tis anti-social piece of shit tat flies n bitch bout life, making stupid jokes tat onli pilots understand, and basically lose my life... dreams? lost, i'm just plain lost again.. haha, wtf, seems lyk i haf some stupid thoughts every once in a while.. now i just miss suffering in the jungle when i was in the army, sure it sucks, but being wif ur section/platoon mates, suffering together is sadistically fun, the bond u get is unbelievable, and oso i wun haf a commissioning parade if i ever pass, and the sense of pride n all tat i guess is just lost... pilots? wtf its damn easy to pass air grading, so its nothing.. nothing to b proud of.. seeing all my seniors tat r pieces of shit.. seriously.. pilot trainees r nothing.. gd thing bout them>? slack, study, wasting my NS liability, using taxpayers' money to buy toys for myself, earning shit loads of money in NS.. seriously i dunno.. every wkend i just wish i was more normal.. haha
